National Adoption Day

"We must work tirelessly to make sure that every boy and girl in America who is up for adoption has a family waiting to reach him or her. This is a season of miracles, and perhaps there is no greater miracle than finding a loving home for a child who needs one."

~Bill Clinton, adopted as a child

National Adoption Day is a collective national effort to raise awareness of the 129,000 children in foster care waiting to find permanent, loving families. National Adoption Day has made the dreams of thousands of children come true by working with policymakers, practitioners and advocates to finalize adoptions and find permanent, loving homes for children in foster care.
Since 2000, the goal of National Adoption Day has been that every community in the U.S. will have an annual, institutionalized, self-driven celebration of National Adoption Day on or near the Saturday before Thanksgiving, which can include finalizing adoptions of children from foster care and celebrating all adoptions. In total, more than 25,000 children have been adopted from foster care on National Adoption Day.(From the National Adoption Day website)

In Denver, they had National Adoption Day today. 95 adoptions were finalized today. 95 children now have their forever families. When I was a baby, I spent my first 5 months in a foster home until I was placed with my forever family. E has spent time in foster care and at the end of 6 months, we will officially be able to adopt him. Unfortunately, there are still thousands of children who still need their forever families.

Below are a few myths about adopting through the foster care system:

MYTH: Children in foster care have too much “baggage.”

FACT: This is perhaps the biggest myth of all. Children in foster care—just like all children—have enormous potential to thrive given love, patience and a stable environment. Just ask former U.S. SenatorBen “Nighthorse” Campbell or Minnesota Viking Dante Culpepper. They were both foster children who were adopted by caring adults.

MYTH: Adoptive parents must be a modern version of Ozzie and Harriet.

FACT: Prospective adoptive parents do not have to be rich, married, own a home, or be of a certain race or age to become an adoptive parent (Nearly one-third of adoptions from foster care are by single parents). In fact, families are as diverse as the children who are available for adoption. Patience, a good sense of humor, a love of children and the commitment to be a good parent are the most important characteristics.

Did you know that more than 29,000 children reach the age of 18 without ever finding a forever family? I can't even imagine turning 18 and not having a family, a place to call home, no one to spend the holidays with, and no parent to call when times are tough.

I had one kiddo on my caseload that was in the foster care system from the time she was 8 years old. She bounced from foster home to foster home, in and out residential centers, and eventually aged out of the foster care system. I have thought about her so many times, wondering what happened to her. Her father was in prison, her mother was dead, and she didn't have any extended family members. At least none that wanted to have any sort of contact with her. Did she have some issues, yes but none that couldn't have been resolved by a little love, a stable home, and a little guidance. Where is she now? I have no idea.

I know that adopting from the foster care system isn't for everyone but maybe it's for someone you know.

Below is a quote that a friend wrote on a card that she gave me at the "Welcome E party"

"Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It's something quite magical."

~Nicole Kidman, an adoptive parent

I love this quote and feel that this perfectly describes what happens with us and E. I hope and wish that so many more families and children get to experience this magic.

Visitors and a party

Last Thurs, my sister and her husband came to Denver to visit us and meet E. We had been showing E a picture of Aunt Laura and Uncle Phillip leading up to the visit and talked about how they were coming to visit. When they first arrived, E was napping. When he woke up and first saw them, he ran up to Laura and gave her a huge hug then gave on to Phillip. He was not shy at all! He couldn't wait to show them his toys or his room. We always know if E "approves" of someone as he wants to take them upstairs so he can show them his room.

I think E really enjoyed having four people totally focusing only on him. At the foster homes that he was in, there were always other children. E had so much fun coloring and playing with cars with Laura and Phillip. E can't say Aunt Laura or Uncle Phillip yet. He can say "aura"...well when he wants to. For Phillip, well he became Pop Pop.

On Saturday, E, Laura, and I went to a "Welcome E" party that was hosted by some amazing friends. E had so much fun with all the kiddos and loves all the gifts that he received. One of the ladies that hosted the party is E's Guardian Ad Litem(GAL). C is the one who told us about E. Without her, we would have never met E much less have him now as our son.

Andy and I had been talking for awhile about getting something for C just to say thank you. How do you find something that can even begin to say thank you for letting us be E's parents?? Every time I thought of C being E's GAL, I just kept thinking about how he was so lucky to have such a great caring person to watch out for his best interests through out the time he has been in the system. Someone who was there to make sure he was safe, to make sure a loving home was found for him. Unfortunately some kids who are in the system don't have GALS who are as great as C.

One of the kiddos(age 4) that was on my caseload when I was a caseworker, would always call her GAL her Guardian Angel. I always thought that was so cute. Once E came into our life, I realized how right that little girl was about how a Guardian Ad Litem really could be a Guardian Angel. I found a Willow Tree figurine that was called "Guardian Angel". It is an angel holding the hands of a child. This was what we had been looking for since C truly is E's Guardian Angel.

At the Welcome Party, we gave C the figurine. Of course as soon as I gave it to her, I had tears rolling down my face. Those happy tears have been flowing alot lately. =)

On Sunday morning, Laura and Phillip had an early morning flight. E was still asleep when I took them to the airport. I was so sad for them to leave but it wasn't as hard as it usually is since we'll be seeing them again in just over a month. After E woke up and finally realized that they were gone, he was so sad. He was not a happy camper for at least two days. He kept asking for "aura" and "pop pop".

A few things we learned about E during the time Laura and Phillip were here:

*If you have a hooded sweatshirt on and are holding E. Hide the strings. He likes to try to put them up his nose. Also, if pillows have tassells that hang down..hide them as he likes to put them up his nose as well.

*If you are the lucky one to put E on the potty, do not stand in front of him. If so, hope his legs are closed when he pees. If they're not, you will get peed on. Laura was the lucky one to get peed on. I don't think I've ever seen her laugh so hard.

Settling in

On Oct. 30, we picked up E for the last time from his previous foster home. We couldn't believe this day was finally here...no more waiting for "the call", no more transition visits, no more saying good-bye to E as we stood in the temporary foster home. E was coming home for good...our home..Sara, Andy, and E's home.

E has been settling in really well. He seems to have adjusted to his new surroundings and new schedule. I am off work for almost 10 weeks and then Andy will be off work for 10 weeks. I am loving having all of this time off work to spend with E. Every day he is surprising us with something new..new phrases, new emotions, new foods he likes/dislikes, etc. He is such a sweet and loving child. E loves to run up and give us hugs for no reason other than he wants to give us a hug. If we leave the room, even for a minute, when we re-enter the room and he notices this, he will drop everything to run over squealing mommy or daddy and give us a hug. It is the cutest thing ever.

We were a little worried that E would regress some when he realized that he wasn't going back to other foster home. So far, haven't really seen any of that. He has had some very typical two year old tantrums. The hardest part is us not letting him see us laugh when he has some of these tantrums. He is quite the character...furrows his brow, crosses his arm stomps across the room, all the while speaking in his own little language--which I'm guessing isn't pleasantries.

The first weekend in Nov, Andy's mom and her husband, Bob, were in town for a wedding so they were able to meet E. E loved his Grandma Diana and Grandpa Bob. He had so much fun and was so sad when they left. E loves meeting new people and gets so sad when they leave.

We had dreamed for so long what it would be like to be parents and it is so much better than I ever thought it would be. Yes, there are days when I'm exhausted or nights I didn't get much sleep but it so worth it. We have lots to learn still but luckily have a great support system from our families and friends. The long road to get to this point was hard but it was so worth it, as we are now the parents to an absolutely adorable little boy who already brought us so much joy.

Tomorrow our lives will change forever

Tomorrow, we will no longer just be Sara and Andy. Tomorrow, we will be Sara and Andy, E's mommy and daddy. Tomorrow, we will finally be welcoming the most adorable little boy into our home FOREVER! Tomorrow, can't get here soon enough.

The past month we have spent having the transition visits with E. We have been so excited but yet have been cautious due to what happened with our last placement. There have been several times where I wanted to post about E but decided just to wait, wait until I couldn't wait any longer. It has been hard not sharing but this time around we decided just to be a bit more "quiet" about the transition.

Today, we went to one of the childcare centers close to our house to take a tour and get some info. As I was sitting there it really hit me, we are finally going to be parents tomorrow. We will have our son...OUR son tomorrow. Holy cow! E has already brought so much joy into our lives and I can't wait for all the joy that is yet to come.

Andy said it best today.."E is a star just waiting to shine!"

Blogging break is over

I took a bit of a blogging break as we were trying to figure out which direction to go in regards to foster to adopt as well as just been busy enjoying the wonderful summer weather. It is hard to believe that it is Labor Day weekend already! It seems like it was just Memorial Day weekend!

Today is Andy's birthday! Happy birthday Andy!! We went to the Taste of Colorado for awhile today and it was packed and HOT! This weekend we've been working on finishing the staining on our deck. The stain is the same color as the trim color on our house(Sherwin Williams Backdrop). Our HOA requires it to be a colored stain..natural looking decks are not allowed. Very odd!

Last week, we celebrated our 4th anniversary! We bought an early anniversary present for ourselves..a KitchenAid mixer. YEAH! Since then we've made lots of banana bread, zucchini bread, cookies, brownies, etc. It's something we both enjoy doing and have had lots of fun together baking goodies!

We did decide not to long after my last blog post that we did not want to give up on the Foster to Adopt program. Our casemanager eased us back into it by just e-mailing us about different situations. We have been a bit more cautious this time around and don't want to rush into anything.

In July, I got an e-mail from a good friend who is also a GAL(Guardian Ad Litem). She was wanting to know if we were taking calls for placements again as she is the GAL to a kiddo who needs an adoptive hope. She e-mailed me the details to him and I couldn't help but to get excited as I read the info to Andy. A week later we met with the caseworker and told her we'd be very interested in being the adoptive home for him. The caseworker said that she felt that we'd be a good match for him as well. YEAH! We were so excited that she thought this and for the first time in awhile, we were excited to start this process again! We didn't really tell many people about this in the beginning as we are being more cautious this time around.

We still haven't met the little boy...hopefully soon. The process has been a bit slow but we are remaining hopeful. We know that if this works out in the end, it will be worth the wait!

Looking forward

The past few months have flown by! We mainly have been busy with house stuff...landscaping, organizing, rearranging/redecorating a few spaces(kids room, guest room, etc), as well as being busy at work. I finally finished some cases that I have worked on for the past 4 years. It's a huge relief that they are done as they were very intense, demanding, and all in all exhausting!

When I was in the last trial, I received a call from our agency about a possible placement. Um, what?!?! We're on hold! I called back and our case manager said that she had to call us as her supervisor wanted her to check in with us and thought we might be interested in the placement. She very quickly said that she knew the placement isn't one that we'd be interested in. She did ask if we're ready to start taking calls again. I told her no. I did mention that we were a bit worried that the "perfect situation" would come in while we're on hold so we were struggling with not wanting to jump back in but also not wanting to miss out. She said she'll keep us on hold but if the perfect situation comes along, she'll call us. She also said that we should not feel pressured to jump back in or to say yes to a placement as she knows that what happened was very on us.

I still don't know if we'll ever take another foster to adopt placement but we're also not ready to shut the door completely on it yet. Adopting through foster care is something I've always wanted to do but we also don't want to end up in the same sort of situation again. I don't know if our hearts could handle it. I know we'll be more cautious if we do decide to move forward with another placement.

I really think we learned a lot from what happened and think it may have been a blessing in disguise. We've had so many discussions about us, our future, kids, and our dreams. We're now looking forward and just living. No more waiting, no more worrying/stressing about when things will happen, and no more looking back. Just living for now. Enjoying what we have and working towards our dreams. Everything is looking much clearer now. I think we spent so much time over the past few years waiting for things to happen that we didn't enjoy what we had at that moment. We let those years just slip by as we waited..waited to move, waited to get pregnant, waited for the fertility drugs to work, waited to be licensed for foster to adopt, waited for our first placement, etc.

We're excited about spending time with friends this summer, enjoying this beautiful state the we live in, and just living.

We have grass!

We finally have grass and our deck!! We've had our deck for about two months and love it!!! We have been grilling alot. I love sitting out there and reading or just having some nice quiet time. Andy and I also installed edging and the rock border at the end of May. Lots of hard work!! We had 12 tons of rock delivered on our driveway. We made lots of trips with the wheelbarrow to the back yard! We also had a sprinkler system and sod installed. The landscaping company we used was great!!! Our sod looks amazing! They also planted two trees we had bought. We still have to finish up the edging in a few spots and put rock over by our garage but it looks so much better!!

Our house is finally looking like a home! I have to admit that I love our house and our yard! We have more landscaping ideas but those will wait until next year along with our raised garden!

Taking a trip to Holland

A friend had this posted on her blog and I just had to borrow it. It seems perfect for right now. We have been on quite the journey the past few years and while we've gotten lost, had a few detours, and sometimes ran out of gas...it's taken us to places we never thought we'd go. We'll eventually get to our dream destination but in the meantime we'll enjoy all of our adventures and learn from them.

Life.....it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that may never go away... because the loss of that dream is a significant loss.But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Happy Mother's Day

Wishing all of the mom's a Happy Mother's Day!!

I first want to start off thanking my birthmother for making a very selfless decision over 35 years ago. Fifteen days from now will be the 35 year anniversary from when I was driven to my forever home. I can't even imagine how hard it was for my birthmother to make the decision that she did. I have spoken to her once. She asked that if I was upset with her as she was afraid that I would be angry with her and I told her not at all. In fact, I told her I wanted to thank her as I have had a very good life with great parents and my little sister. She said that made her very happy to know.

I once again want to thank my mom for being such a wonderful mother all of these years. We've had our differences at times but I think they in the end have made our relationship stronger. I wasn't the easiest kid at times....for some reason I liked to do the opposite of what I was asked to do, didn't always listen to well, and could be just an overall pain in the rear(especially during the teen-age years). My mom never gave up on me and always made sure that I knew that I was loved. Some of my fondest memories of my mom are when she would read me a book every night and then sing me a song before I fell asleep, would sew me and my dolls really cute outfits, help me with crafts, and would sit on the floor and play games with me. I really wish my mom and dad lived closer to us(still trying to convince them to buy the house down the street from us..haha) and we were able to see them more often. I know that I cherish the time we do get to spend with my mom and dad! God really did give me the best forever family.

I'm also very blessed to have such a wonderful Mother-in-law. I really am so lucky! Again, I wish that we lived closer to her and Bob as well so we could spend more time with them. They are coming out here in June and I can't wait to spend more time with them.

I have to admit...I was really dreading this weekend after what happened with the kiddos. Last year I kept saying hopefully next year I'll finally be able to be a "mom" on Mother's Day. Well, it almost happened. Thanks to the support from friends, family, and Andy...I'm ok, actually, I'm looking forward to tomorrow as I have several friends who are finally, for the first time, getting to celebrate them being a mom and I am so happy for them. It gives me hope..hope that sometime in future, I will a mom as well. I know I will be and it may take a little longer than we thought, but that is ok. God brought two wonderful little ones into our lives, even for a short time, and they taught us so much during that time. It also gave us a little peek into the "parenthood window" and will help us be even parents for our forever child.

Another door has closed....

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. ~Helen Keller

I haven't updated since kiddos were placed with us(April 19). A day that was supposed to be one of the happiest days for us quickly turned into a roller coaster ride that seemed like it would never end. Below is what I typed up to share with some friends on Friday, April 23.

"First off, thank you for all the thoughts, prayers, and juju. I don't even know where to start...I can't share alot of details as this is a foster care case. The short story is we found out on Monday as we were leaving with kids to head to our house, that one of them has a health issue. It was told to us on Sat. that the kiddo may have it but not sure so we did some research and we thought we could handle based on the info that we received at the time.

Our agency called us on Monday as we're driving home with serious concerns about the health issue and the long term impact it could have on us, ability for daycare, others, etc. We talked to some professionals, caseworker, others, and still thought we could handle it based on the info we were getting. Remember we had just found out about this late Sat. evening after we had already spend 2 and a half weeks plus transitioning the kids to our home. We were on an emotional high and our hearts were bursting for joy as the transition was finally happening.

We learned more info on Thurs that really began to concern us and also found out the impact it could have a severe impact on our careers(which could cause major financial issues). Also, kiddo being young doesn't understand the severeness of issue so would do things that could cause it to be spread to others, cause it to get worse for kiddo, put us as well as other kiddo at a high risk.

Based on lots of different things that I can't share, we made a heartbreaking decision today that the county needs to find another forever homes for the kids that will be equipped to handle this. This was not an easy decision for us and is tearing us apart right now. If we had this info in the beginning, we would have been able to make a better decision before we got this emotionally involved.

I know some of you may disagree with this decision but please realize, we never ever wanted to say yes to a situation we couldn't handle as we never ever wanted to have say we can't do this. We said no to several placements as we knew we couldn't do it. We really are torn apart by this and feel like we have failed these kids. We had to make the decision that is best for our family now as well as for in the future. Thank you for all of your support throughout our journey and I really wish that I wasn't typing this right now. "

On Monday, April 26, kiddos were moved back to the relatives house where they had lived for the past two years. When we told the kiddos they were going back, they were really excited. They missed the relative and was happy relative was back from vacation. Relative had just been on vacation before the transition so kiddos stayed with a babysitter...I think they thought that was why they were with us. Monday was a very hard day for us as we had never imagined that we'd be going through what we had been through. After kiddos left, we had to go to the doctor so we could be medically cleared for our jobs as well as for our own peace of mind. When we came home our house felt so empty. I don't even know how many times I broke down in tears on Monday or over the next few days.

I feel so lucky to have such an amazing husband. Andy dealt with a lot of the "clean-up" as he knew that the sight of the kiddos' stuff brought me to tears. I felt(feel) so guilty like we failed them. I know in my heart that we made the right choice but that guilt is still there. Andy knew the right words to say, knew when I just needed a hug, and was able to make me smile. After this week, I look at Andy in a different way. I was able to see him be a "dad"...dancing with T & D, building blocks with T, comforting D after he tripped when running, reading the kiddos their bedtime book, seeing D and T run and give him big hugs for no reason, and just be a kid himself. He also was very protective of my parents when we found out that they had been put at risk by the health issue when they were here and we were unaware of it. I know this sounds cheesy but I have fallen in love with him even more. I've been able to see this part of him that I hadn't been able to see before and can't wait to see him be a "dad" again.

We talked alot about our feelings(anger, loss, frustration, confusion, disappointment, etc) and both agreed that we need to take a break...long break from the foster to adopt process. We learned alot last week...some good things, some bad but all in all I think we'll be much stronger after all of this.

We learned that we are an amazing team and that we will be good parents. We learned that it is possible to feel like your heart is going to overflow with love when a little one tells you "I love you" right before they go to sleep. We learned that even when you feel completely alone and helpless, just look around as there are so many people that are there willing to help. We learned that "the system" really needs to be improved. We are learning how to heal from this and to move forward to our next journey.

We don't know where will go from here and right now are just going to take some time for us to heal. We have talked in general about some of the different options but are far from making a decision. We are so lucky that we have such amazing family and friends who were there for us through out this. The quote at the beginning of this blog really explains it the best right now. We have to look foward as if we continue to look/think at what could have been, we may miss the happiness that is yet to come. I know that I'm looking forward to the road ahead of us and can't wait to experience it with Andy.

Last week was a great week!

I have to start out by saying that I loved having my parents here! I know I've said this before but I sure wish they weren't so far away! My mom and I did lots of shopping for pictures for our house. I had looked and looked the past several months and had only found one or two pics that I kind of liked. Well, my mom and I found several we liked the first store we went into...bought 4, and at the second store bought two more. We also bought some stuff for T & D. A few days later, we did some more shopping and found even more pics...actually too many pictures. Seriously, it was turning into a bit of an addiction. =) Poor Dad and Andy got to hang all 13(eeks) of them. My Dad and Andy also stayed very busy on some other projects. Of course we would make time in the evenings for "game night" every night.

We had T & D all day on Saturday, picked them up again on Sunday and took them back on Monday, picked them up on Wed and took them back again on Thurs. I love that we had so much time with them and that they were able to spend lots of time with my parents. T & D really had a good time with them. D even could say ar-ey(for Jerry) by Thurs. Saying Phyllis was a bit much for him. T knew both of their names and would go looking for them if they would go into another room. It was really cute!

We got some great news on Monday...kiddos are transitioning officially to our house on Sunday, April 18!!! We have been so excited since we found this out. We were also glad that my parents were here when we got the news.

My parents left on Thurs right before we left to take T & D back to their aunt's. I was really sad to see them go...seriously had to bite the inside of my mouth so I wouldn't cry. I didn't want to cry in front of the kids and also knew that if I started crying, I wouldn't be able to stop. The good part is that they'll be back in 3 month...ok, I hope they'll be back in 3 months. =)

I did go into the office on Friday for a "few hours"--turned out being there 6 hours and brought work home since I will be out for the next 8 weeks on FMLA leave. Andy's job is letting him take next week off so we'll have both of us here the kids' first week here. YEAH! Andy will take off 8 weeks at the end of my 8 weeks. I told a friend in an e-mail earlier today...I can't wait to watch T & D grow, learn more about their personalities, and just love them. Tomorrow can't get here soon enough!

UPDATE AT 9:00 PM: T IS SICK SO TRANSITION WON'T HAPPEN TOMORROW. HOPEFULLY MONDAY.

Still transitioning

We are having several visits with the kids before they officially transition to our house. We are doing this since they have been in their current placement for almost two years and are hoping by having several visits it will make the transition a bit easier.

On Monday, we had our first visit with us and the kids. YEAH! We picked them up and took them to a park near our house. They did very well in the car and didn't hesitate at all about leaving with us. We had a ball at the park. They both love to swing! After spending about 45 min. at the park, we took them to our house. As were walking up to the house, T said "Is this our house?" That question kind of through me off and before I could respond, she had moved onto something else. D was very excited to see the dogs(they were in their kennels). He loves dogs! The kids did really well at eating lunch and playing while we were getting lunch ready.
After lunch it was naptime. We told the kids that it was time for the doggies to take naps so they needed to take a nap as well. We read them two short books and D was asleep within in about 2 min and T was asleep 5 min. later. WOW!! I really think using the "doggie naptime" helped alot!
They slept for about two hours. When they got up, they played with the dogs. The dogs did really well overall, they were a bit excited at first but calmed down pretty quickly. Both T & D loved petting them. We played the rest of the afternoon, fed them dinner, and then took them back to aunt's house. They are both good eaters. When we took them back, they gave us hugs and kisses.

We had another all day visit yesterday. The great part about that visit was that my parents got to meet D & T. I had a CPR skills class to renew my certification yesterday morning for a couple of hours so Andy and my mom picked the kids up. They said that they once again did really well in the car and warmed up to my parents very quickly. When I got home, the kids had just started eating lunch. After lunch, it was naptime. This time wasn't quite as easy. The dogs are at dog camp while my parents are here so we couldn't use doggie naptime. Plus, T wanted to stay and play with everyone. As she started going up the stairs she started to cry a little bit and said "I'm very upset right now". I did my best not to laugh as it was really cute. We told them once they woke up we'd go to the park. T still cried for a few min but once Andy started reading a book, she stopped. They took about a two hour nap. Once they were up, we took them to the park that is just down the street from us(one house down and across the street). The bad part is that this park doesn't have swings and seems to be oriented for older kids. The kids still had a lot of fun. We were there for about an hour and then went back to the house to play. They really liked my parents...D would go look for them if they went to another room. We fed them dinner and then took them back to the babysitter(she is watching them while the aunt is out of town for five days). D fell asleep while on the way back. T would yawn and then say "guys I'm not tired". When we got them there, D didn't want me to put him down. We told them they'd be coming back again today and spending the night. T said "in my new room and new bed?" We told her yes. She smiled really big. They gave us hugs and kisses before we left.

We are looking forward to having them again today and tonight. We'll see how they sleep tonight. Aunt said D starts his day at 4 a.m. EEKS!

It's my understanding will have at least one more overnight possibly two before they transition completely to our house. Hopefully(maybe) by next weekend. Keeping fingers crossed!!!

Once they are here, I will take FMLA leave for 8-12 weeks and then Andy will take FMLA for 8 weeks. It will give us all a good way to get a set schedule as well as bond. We are both so excited and just love T & D. I am so excited for our future with them.

Busy busy day

Wow, I'm just a blogging maniac tonight. If you haven't read the 3 posts below this one..start with the one titled HUGE UPDATE. There was too much to put into just one entry! =)

Today we were busy cleaning. My parents will be here on Wednesday! YEAH! We finally get to show them our house! We are also getting ready for our visit with T & D tomorrow. We put two car seats in my SUV...that was quite the adventure. I have to say, I love looking in there and seeing the two car seats in there!! We also realized today that there are several more things that we need to get before the kids are here full time. When my mom is here we'll have to do some shopping..YEAH! We are really excited that they are going to meet T & D and hopefully their aunt as well. This week is going to be a crazy busy week but we are going to be loving every minute of it!!!

Second visit

We had another great visit with the kids yesterday! We met at Aunt's house and then followed her to a nearby park. When we got to park, she said D cried as he thought we left. When he got out of the car he ran up to me so I could hold him. We then put him and T in the wagon to walk over to playground area. Andy was pulling the wagon and D kept saying vroom vroom(he was pretending to drive the wagon).

T and D were fascinated with all the ducks, geese, and dogs at the park. When we got to the playground, T took Andy's hand and said come help me. Andy helped her with crossing the monkey bars, going down the slide, etc. I pushed D on the swing for a long time. He loves to swing! After about 15 min T wanted to swing as well.

The aunt and I talked alot about the kids, her family, our family, etc. She is very very nice and we really like her. She did ask if we will let her see the kids once they are with us and I was so glad she asked as I've been wanting to tell her that we absolutely will. She has played such a huge role in the kids lives that her not seeing them would be so hard for the kids. She said she was very relieved to hear that we would keep her involved. It really does seem like we've known her much longer and we're so looking forward to getting to know her better. Like she said, we'll all just be a big family.

After swing for awhile D wanted to walk around. When he sees a dog, he points and says "dawg" and then takes off after the dog. He LOVES dogs. He is very gentle when petting the dogs. One time when he was petting one, he grabbed my hand and showed me he wanted me to pet the dog. Also, at one point a man came running by and D came quickly over to me and hid behind my leg.

After awhile, we went back to Aunt's house and she gave us some pics and we gave her and the kids a pic of us and a pic of each of our dogs. T and D were very happy. T kept saying "I want to show my new friends my books, a toy, a movie, etc" When we left, we got lots of hugs and kisses...they even climbed in the car to give us "one more hug" before we left. I can't believe how quickly they have warmed up to us and seem to be adjusting to us very well!

We will pick them up from the aunt at 10:30 on Monday and will have them until 5 or 6 that evening. YEAH!!! I was almost a teary mess again on this visit..Andy is so amazing with the kids. I've waited so long to see this and have always known he'll be a great father. T really really likes him!! She follows him and always want him to help her. Adorable!!

First visit

The night before the visit I was so excited and nervous so I didn't sleep much. All I could think about was how was the visit going to go...I just prayed and prayed that it would go very well. We had seen pics of T(the girl) and D(the boy) and it made this all so much more real. So how did the visit go???

It was amazing!! As soon as I saw them my heart melted. I really don't know the words to explain how I feel right now. They are absolutely adorable! T was shy for all of two minutes and D was a little more reserved for about 20 min. We played ball with them, watched them ride their horses, and they showed us all their toys. It was very cute. The aunt is really nice and I really like her. She is great with the kids and they are obviously bonded with her. T sang her ABC's for us as well as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. We were there for about an hour and 20 min. When we were leaving the aunt asked if they wanted to give us a hug and they gave Andy and I a hug and kiss on the cheek. When we were walking down the drive away, the aunt was like oh you want to give them another hug? Both kids ran down to us and gave another hug and kiss. Seriously, I had to take in a huge breath so I wouldn't lose it in front of the caseworker and GAL. When I got in the car with Andy, the tears were flowing! We get to see them again on Saturday at the aunt's house and then starting next week we'll have visits with me, Andy and the kids.

During the visit, all I could think about was this is what we've been waiting and dreaming about for so long. I think we were both glowing and just floating on air after the visit. It was all we could talk about and think about as well as being excited about the next visit.

I also have to say that we are both so lucky to have such an amazing family and amazing friends that have been so supportive and caring during this long journey. We are both so blessed to be surrounded by so many people that have helped make the bumps in the road a little easier, prayed for us when we were struggling or just need a little extra help, and celebrated with us when we've finally reached a huge milestone. We won't ever be able to express how much all of this has meant to us! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

Huge update!

On Feb 19, we received a call from our agency about a foster to adopt situation. It was for a sibling group-girl and a boy. After telling me the details, I told the casemanager that this sounds like a situation that would be perfect for us. I told her I'd verify with Andy but basically I was saying yes. I called Andy and his response was...say yes!!! I called our case manager back and she said that she'd already let them know that we were very interested. She called me back later that day to said that we were the first ones to respond and that the worker for the county was very interested in us. This all happened very fast and then it slowed down from there.

Since we had said yes, our agency wouldn't call us about any other placements. So we waited...1 week..nothing, 2 weeks...nothing, 3 weeks..nothing. These were the longest three weeks ever! I admit that I avoided blogging during that time as I didn't want to say anything about the call as I didn't want to "jinx" it. I didn't even tell my parents about getting the call until after the second week. The great part during this time was that my sister was in Florida doing an internship and was really busy so I didn't get to talk to her much. I didn't want to say anything as she gets just as excited as we do and I knew she had a lot going on. Her internship was at a place that does dolphin therapy with special needs kids. This was a dream of hers! She has loved dolphins since, well, I think she was born making dolphin sounds. HA! Anywho...back to the waiting..long, long, long!

On March 15, the caseworker and GAL for the kids called our agency with some questions about us. Our agency said that if they were still interested, they would call us to set up a time to meet with us. We were told they were looking at the homestudies of a couple other foster to adopt families and would probably meet with two or three families before they made a decision. About 15 min after I spoke to our casemanager, I heard from the caseworker...they wanted to meet with us! YEAH!! We set up an appointment for March 22. They said they will give us more info about the kids/the case and then let us see if we're still interested as well as give them time to see if they think it would be a good match for the kids. They said they may not make a final decision for a couple of weeks. Needless to say we were very excited as well as very nervous.

I finally told my sister about "the call" the night before the meeting. This was a new step for us so I wanted her to know what was going on. Plus it's really really hard not to tell my sister about something this huge. I tell her everything! When she would call me, all I could think was please don't ask me about if we got a call cause I knew I couldn't not tell her if she asked. When I would talk to her, I'd ask her tons of questions about her stuff and then if the conversation would shift to me and Andy, I'd change it again or hurry to get off the phone. I really hope I never have to do that again!! =)

March 22 finally arrived and we had the meeting with the GAL(Guardian Ad litem-attorney that looks out for kids best interest), adoption caseworker, and ongoing caseworker. They told us about the kids, the case, and asked us some questions. We felt really positive during the meeting and hoped that they thought we'd be a good match for the kids. At the end of the meeting, they said to think about our decision and to call them by that Friday to let them know what we decided. Then they would make their decision as to if we'd be a good match. One of the caseworkers said that typically alot of people "just know" if it's going to be a good fit or not but they wanted to give us the time to really think about the decision.

When they walked out the door, Andy and I looked at each other and just smiled. We both knew what our answer would be...we want to be the foster to adopt home for these kiddos. We decided to just sleep on it and call them the next morning. I called at 10:00 the next day to and left a message saying, "Yes, we want to be the foster to adopt home and we would be thrilled if you picked us. " About 20 minutes later, the adoption worker called me back to say she had let the team know that we had said yes and they were very happy. I asked when they would be making their decision as to if they would pick us to be the home. She said that they only met with us and had decided at the visit that we would be a great fit for the kids. YEAH!

We then set up our first meeting to meet the kids and their aunt(who they currently live with) for March 31. We were beyond excited and couldn't wait to start the next part of this long journey.

Snow + Snowblower=Happy Husband

As soon as we started building the house, Andy said he was going to have to get a snowblower since we have a much bigger driveway and more sidewalks. We ended up getting him one in January as we had some gift cards, they were on clearance and we had a coupon for an additional % off. Well, since he bought it...no snow. At least not enough to use the snowblower. I keep teasing him that the lack of snow in Denver is is his fault. =)

On Sunday morning, we woke up to a few inches of snow and it continued to snow throughout the morning. As soon as Andy saw that a neighbor was using a snowblower, he got the biggest smile, threw on some warm clothes, fueled up the snowblower and off he went. He ended up doing a huge part of the neighbors sidewalk as well. He probably would have done the whole block if there wasn't construction stuff blocking his way. I just hope we get some more snow very soon as I have never seen him this eager to clear the driveway!

A watched pot of water does not boil..

Isn't that how the saying goes? I think it's the same for the phone...it's not ringing or at least not enough. Now that we're in the new house and getting settled in, I no longer have that as a distraction. I can honestly say that while the house was being built I didn't worry or wonder when the phone was going to ring. Gotta love distractions! I told Andy I need a new distraction and all he could say was, "we're not building another house". HA!

I'm back to carrying my personal cell with me all the time when I'm at work, checking it if I walk away for two minutes, and I know if it hasn't rang by 3, we're not going to get a call that day. All of the calls have been between 10-2. Odd, but that's the way they've happened. It's hard to believe we've been licensed for almost 9 months and still haven't had a foster to adopt placement! I admit that I'd rather wait a long time for the right placement than have several placements that don't end up working out though.

I had said when we moved into our house, that I was going to wait to set up the kids room as we had it already at the rental house and never used it. Well, this weekend, I unpacked some of the boxes that were in there and organized the ones that I'm not going to unpack yet. I can't wait until we do have a little one in there so that we can decorate it for the right age/sex.

In less than two months my parents will be here...YEAH!!! I can't wait for them to see our house as well as our neighborhood. Hopefully there will be a littleone(s) here by then as well.

Life is too short

Today I received a call from a co-worker that a young(26) lawyer with our office passed away. I about drove off the road when I heard this. I am shocked, confused, and sad. She had just graduated from law school in the spring, passed the bar, and was hired a deputy district attorney with our office. She had interned at our office while she was still in law school. I can't even imagine what her family is going through. She was so young and just starting a career she worked so hard for.

I guess the saying "never take anything for granted" is absolutely true. You never know how long you or your loved ones will be here. I know that this makes me want to find everyone I know and just put them in a huge bubble. A bubble filled with love and safety.

Yesterday at the Olympics is another example of how life can just change in a second. I was so angry that they kept playing the clip of his last run over and over, and showing his death again and again. Why would the media torture his family, friend, and members of his country that way?!?!

I guess the main point of this entry tonight is to make sure you tell your loved one that you love them as often as you can, enjoy the time you have with them, cherish it, as you never know if that may be the last time you see them. I'm sending lots of thoughts and prayers to B's family as well at the Georgian athlete's family.

Continuing to wait

Sounds like the situation we were wanting more information about last week, probably won't happen. Lots and lots of foster families called so we'll just wait for the next call. I did talk to our casemanager today about two other situations but in both the kiddos were much older so we said no.

In talking with our casemanager, she said the counties are placing more and more kiddos with family members, even family members that they probably wouldn't normally place them with. It's all due to budget cuts and the crummy economy. Also, she said the counties are placing more within their own county foster homes..even if there would be a better placement/match in a foster home through one of the private agencies..again due to money. She did say that our agency as the highest number of adoptions and calls for foster to adopt homes in all of the private agencies.

When we first decided to do foster to adopt, we decided to go with a private agency as they work with all the counties which would mean more calls, more options, etc. If we would have went through the county, we would have only received calls about kiddos in that county. There are also more resources/services available through the private agencies which was another reason we went this route.

I still have connections with some of the caseworkers I used to work with as well as some of the guardian ad litems so I will continue to network with them and let them know that we're a licensed foster to adopt home.

In other areas, Andy and I met 7 years ago on Feb 8 and February 13, 2003 was our first date. Wow! It doesn't seem that long ago. I can still remember how nervous was before Andy picked me up on our first date. It makes me smile just thinking about it.

Foster to Adopt update

I have started typing about this a few different times but then would never finish it. I guess it's mainly because there hasn't been much to say as well as just being frustrated. We only had two calls in about 4 months...we said yes to both but ended up not getting either placement. BOO!

We had started questioning if this was the right process for us as well as wondering if we're ever going to have a little one. We also were frustrated with our agency as we weren't hearing anything from them...nothing, no feedback no hang in there it's just slow right now, nothing.

We started talking more about looking into domestic and international adoption but realized with us just buying our new house that neither of those were realistic for us right now due to the huge cost. Ugh! Needless to say we were feeling pretty hopeless which is probably why it was so easy to walk away from typing blog updates.

Well, we have been assigned a new casemanager very recently and she has been great about checking in with us. We met with her for the first time on Friday. She rocks! She was very clear that her goal is to find good matches for kids, not just an easy match...find a match that will lead to that child having a forever home. She said she has read our homestudy several times so she can get a good feel for us, our household, etc. She said that she will call us on situations that may be a little different that what we said we were open to(kids 0-4) if she thinks that they would be a good fit/match. She also said very clearly...never feel guilty about saying no to a placement, you know what will work for your family and what won't so make the decision that is best for your family. Wow...she was saying what Andy and I have talked about several times.

After meeting with her, we really felt much better about everything and feel that foster to adopt really is the right fit for us. We did get two calls on Thurs-one call had 3 different situations and then the 2nd call had one. We said no to 3 of them as the kids were too old, there were too many kids, or the situation is more than we could handle(sexual acting out). We did say we wanted more info about one of the situations so we are waiting to hear back. She did say that the caseworker did have several families showing interest in the kiddos but we'll just wait and see.

We really are excited as to what is to come and truly believe that we will be matched with little ones that are supposed to be with us.

Our house...YEAH!

They will put landscaping in this spring-sod, trees, etc. We will be putting a fence, sod, and a deck in the back. My parents are coming out in April and Dad and Andy are going to build the deck. I can't wait for them to see it!! I hope they love it as much as we do! More pics soon!

Long time, no blog..oops!

It's been a really long time since my last blog. We were busy with packing to move, moving, cleaning out rental house, and still unpacking. We love love love our new house!!! I can't believe we are finally in it. We closed on Dec 30-4 months and 1 day from signing the contract to build!

Now that we're in the house, it's been fun watching our block change! When we started our house, it was ours and our neighbors. There are now 6 other houses that are in some stage of the building process. All but one of the 17 lots have sold! Housing market is improving!

Overall, moving day was a success but very very stressful. We had our final walk through at 8:00, closing at 9:30, meeting our salesperson at 11 at the house, movers coming at noon, blind installer coming at noon, Phone company coming between 12-3, and Andy had to work that night. The next morning DirecTv came at 8 as did the fridge. Andy got home from work right about the time they came. He was excited to be in the new place and only got about 3 hours of sleep before going back to work that night. I was off of work all week which was good but after all that I needed some more days off to recover. HAHA!

We did have a call about a foster to adopt placements for two kiddos....two days before we closed and moved! The two kiddos were really struggling as parental rights had just been terminated and foster parents who were going to adopt them, changed their mind. We knew that we would need to give them lots and lots of care and attention to help the move not be too traumatizing. We told our case manager that with the rental house being a disaster due to packing and the chaos of moving in two day that we didn't think it would be in the kids best interest to move in the rental house and then move again two days later. We said that if current foster parent could keep them for two more days we would love to have them placed with us.

Their case manager tried and tried to get our case manager to convince us to go ahead and take them right then. What happened to doing what's best for the kiddos? Anyways, we found out..in the middle of our closing on the new house..that the kids' caseworker went with another family. We of course were disappointed but knew that if was meant to be, it would have happened.

That was the first call we had in 2 months and 3 weeks..if not longer. I am really surprised that we haven't had more calls. The waiting has been getting harder and harder. More on that later.

Andy's mom and Bob were here last weekend and were able to see the house. We were so excited for them to see it! They really liked it which made us very happy! It was great to see them and we'll be seeing them again in a few weeks up in Keystone. YEAH! I love spending time in the mountains..just a great place to escape.

I will post some updated house pics very soon