Moving forward..slowly

Andy and I have been doing lots of talking about the past year. We really hoped that we would have moved by now. Since we're still waiting, we decided we're just going to live like we're staying here and if we move, great! I think this is something we both realized we need to do. So....we're going to start to look for a house to rent here, start the adoption process here, and just live! No updates on Em. I'm hope she is doing ok and am very glad that she has someone to talk to about the decision she may make. This weekend has been pretty uneventful. Andy had to work last night so he slept the majority of the day yesterday as well as today.

Tomorrow we are going to meet up with our friend, Mike, and my cousin, Julie! I am very excited. Mike has finally met him a great girl and it just so happens to be my cousin! They met at our wedding and have been dating ever since. She lives in Kentucky and he lives here in Colorado. He plans on making the move back to Indiana soon as well. He is also from Indiana and is wanting to be closer to his family. Sound familiar?

8/26/06 was an amazing day...

Two years ago today I married the man that I always dreamt of. He's my best friend, can always make me smile, and "gets" me. He just laughs at my weird quirks and sings along with me on road trips. Actually, he sings louder than me! We have made the 17 hour trip back and forth to Indiana 4 or 5 times now. On those trips, we have had some of the best times-talking, laughing, singing, and really learning alot about each other-good and bad!



It sems like it was just yesterday that we celebrated our wedding day with our families and friends. We had been together for 3 and a half years when we got married. Everyone said oh you're just getting married, it really won't change things. WRONG!! I think seeing our two families come together and melt into one big family was amazing. Also the commitment we made to each other really seemed to bring us closer together. It may sound weird but when I looked at Andy, I no longer saw him as just Andy but Andy, my husband. Also, our priorities changed..it was now about family...starting our own family, being closer to both of our families, and just the two of us starting our own family traditions.



We have learned so much in the past two years and still have so much more to learn as well as so many more journeys ahead of us. Is it always easy...no. That's ok though, if things are easy you learn to take them for granted. I hope we never get to that point in our marriage.



I saw a quote the other day that I think fits us right now...

We may not have it all together

but together we have it all

Happy Birthday...

On August 23, 1981, my little sister, Laura, was born. I would have to say this day would rank in the top 5 happiest days in my life. I was finally getting the little sister I had always dreamed of having. I was at my Grandpa and Grandma's house when my dad called to say that Laura was born. I danced around their living room when my Grandma told me. The next day, Dad drove me to the hospital so I could see her. I stood on an upside down metal trash can so I could see in the window to see her. I remember after a few minutes one of the nurses said ok, that's enough you can go sit down. I refused! That's my baby sister in there and I'm not moving until my dad says I have to go home.

My parents were told that they wouldn't be able to have kids. They adopted me and 7 years later they got a suprise. My mom was pregnant! I loved taking pictures of her and her "baby belly" with the polaroid camera.

I started first grade either the next day or the day after, I was so proud to be able to say that the highlight of my summer was my new baby sister. The day they brought Laura home, I ran around our neighborhood telling all of our neighbors to come over as MY baby sister was coming home. I think I drove my Grandpa and Grandma nuts while we waited for my mom, dad, and Laura to get our house. It seemed like it took forever!

Growing up, we had our arguements and rough patches..my dad would always say you shouldn't argue, you're sisters. We'd both say but Dad, we're sisters, that is why we argue. One thing was for sure, I could pick on my sister but no one else could.
As we got older, we became much closer and that is one thing that I cherish the most. Laura has been there through all my ups and downs, the good times and the times that brought me to my knees. Living 17 hours away is hard as we don't see each other but once or twice a year. Thank goodness for the internet!

Happy birthday Laura!!

Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of. You know whatever you do, they'll still be there. ~Amy Li

A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost. ~Marion C. Garretty

When mom and dad don't understand, a sister always will. ~Author Unknown

No good news but no bad news either which is good news!

I think Andy and I are finally starting to settle into the routine of waiting and it's becoming "normal" for us. I am starting not to think about the whole moving thing as much which is good! We have also been busy doing "stuff". Last Saturday, we went to the Rockies game with Matt, Andy's brother, and Mike, our good friend. It was a lot of fun even though the Rockies lost. I had the best ice cold beer and ball park hot dog...well probably the best since it's been forever since I've had one. Sad part, I was feeling really happy after just one. =) Of course the guys had to tease me about it. While I was taking the fertility drugs as well as the few months leading up to taking the drugs, I decided no more alochol(not that I drank much before then). Yesterday, I got an early birthday present...a new bike! YEAH!!!! I'm trying to get back into the routine of working out, eating better, etc. Andy is getting his bike fixed this week and then we're going to start riding 3 or 4 times a week. I am so excited!!!

We have had a "situation" present itself in the past few weeks which has been kind of exciting. It is a possible adoption lead. YEAH! We're not getting our hopes up as it is way too soon. I have been think alot about Em and can't even imagine how hard this decision is for her. I have talked with my sister, Laura, a lot about this and how much respect I have for Em or anyone else that makes this decision. She is making a decision that will not only effect her and the baby she is having but also change the lives of a couple who can't have children on their own. I hope Em realizes how strong and brave she is to make such a tough choice. I hope that she has friends and family that are there to be able to support her. All of this has made us think alot more about adopting and helped us to realize that this really is the best choice for us. I have to admit, I'm nervous about the homestudy as I don't think that I'm the best at explaing myself sometimes, especially when I'm nervous! Andy says that he is the same way...hopefully we don't come off as two bumbling idiots. Eeks! Thankfully, I'm on a message board that has a lot of great women who have been through the process and are wonderful about answering questions and being supportive. It's amazing how people you've never met in real life can make such a huge impact even through the computer.

Feeling very frustrated...

Do you ever have times where you know something in your brain but your heart hopes that the brain is wrong? Right now I'm really frustrated with myself. The past few days I've been thinking what if I'm pregnant, what if that is why my cycle is super long this time, what if the doctors were wrong. So when I was in Target today, I bought a pregnancy test. My brain was asking me why but my heart said come on, you never know. No big suprise to the result..not pregnant. I know that we can not get pregnant without me being on the fertility meds and even then there is a very small chance of it happening.

On the way home all I could think is wouldn't this be great and just thinking about how big of a suprise it would be for Andy and our families. Of course now I'm sad, frustrated, angry and back on that roller coaster of emotions. I wish I would have just listened to my brain and not bought the damn test. Why did I buy it? Why did I think that I could be pregnant? ARGH!!!! After taking the test, I started thinking about maybe we should try IUI(inuterine insemination) again but I just don't know if I could handle the drugs again as well as the big let down at the end. Everytime we'd get a negative on the pregnancy test, it felt like the world came crashing down. I'd try to appear strong on the outside but on the inside I was truly falling apart. I just wonder if I would have made some different decisions in the past, if we wouldn't be having these issues now.