Just a bit of a vent

Today is one of those days where I have to close my office door. I don't understand why people think that when a female feels nauseous, doesn't feel like eating due to feeling nauseous, female then goes home due to knowing that she is gong to hurl, and still doesn't feel good the next day ="oh you must be pregnant". Seriously? Seriously?!?! I went home on Tuesday due to feeling sick and ended up throwing up but felt somewhat better yesterday and today but still not feeling 100%. I've had probably 5-6 people say "are you sure you're not pregnant?" Yep, pretty sure-according the dr. it is not possible without being on meds. "well dr's can be wrong" True but that's not the case right now. "Well maybe you should go take a pregnancy test" Thanks but that would be a waste of money...if you'll excuse me I have to get back to work.

I know they probably are trying to be nice and wishful that it would happen for us. The people that are saying this know what we've already gone through and I've had many conversations about how my body doesn't work without drugs and how IVF is basically the only option we have at this point. So when people say "well you never know", I DO know that it won't happen for us..at least not without me being on meds along with other stuff to assist us and even then it's not good. Andy and I both know this and are ok with how things are for us. We know that God has a plan and we are very very excited to do foster to adopt. I also know that I can't let my self think...about "what if" and the thought of buying another pregnancy test "just in case" just makes me get a big knot in my stomach. I have done the pregnancy test way too many times when I let "what if" get to me...the 3 minutes waiting to see what is going to appear in that window is the longest 3 minutes ever. Especially when you are praying that this time is really going to be the time...sitting with fingers, toes, arms, and legs crossed hoping that the test will read pregnant and then 3 minutes is up...."Not pregnant". Then the tears start to fault, then I feel like my body failed me again, and get mad at myself for even putting myself through the whole "what if" thinking, and then my wonderful husband hugs me and says "It's ok, it's going to be ok", "WE are going to be ok"

Ok, vent done..hope I haven't offended anyone, I just needed to get this out before somone poor, unsuspecting co-worker comes in and asks "are you feeling better" yes, feeling much better
"could you be pregnant?"

WooHoooo!!

We received a voicemail last night from the gal who has been assigned to do our homestudy. YEAH! I called her today and she will be meeting with us on Feb. 2 to start our homestudy. We will meet with her 3 times and then she will write the homestudy. This really is the last step before becoming certified! We are so excited!! We have lots of organizing and cleaning to do this weekend.

Memories

This week has been an emotional week. I found out that a friend that I had growing up, passed away on Monday. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2007, did chemo, cancer was gone, and then it came back. She unfortunately lost the hard fought battle to cancer. She has three kids who are now without their mommy. Hearing about Traci's passing really shook me, she's the same age as me and her life was ended way before it should have. Please keep her family and children in your prayers as they have lost an amazing daughter, sister, mother, and friend.

Two years ago today my grandmother passed away. She had been in a nursing home for several years due to having Alzheimers. My grandma was the only grandma that I had as my dad's mom passed away before they adopted me. Growing up, I was lucky that my grandparents were still at age where they were very active in my life..babysitting me, taking me fishing, go to my dance recitals, go to my softballs games, etc. My grandma was always there to give encouraging words and just there to support me. Even when I was being a brat, she would jsut say "Now Sara.." I loved hearing the stories about her as a child growing up as well as the stories about my mom as a child. One of my grandma's favorite things to say to me was, "Sara, you're getting taller". My grandma was probably 5'1" or 5'2" and I was 5'10" by my sophmore year in high school.

As her Alzheimer's progressed, she obviously forgot lots and didn't recognize anyone as time went on. The last time I saw my grandma was a couple of days before our wedding. I was telling her about our upcoming wedding and how excited I was and she said, I really liked being married..it made me happy. She apologized for not remembering who I was and I said that's ok gradma, because I remember you...and she said"you do?" and had big smile on her face. As we were getting ready to leave, I gave her a hug and told her that I loved her. She said she loved me and then as I stood up from hugging her, she said.."are you getting taller?" It's amazing how that one small phrase can mean. Realistically, I know that it was just something she said, probably something she has said to others and didn't necessarily have a meaning to her. But for me, it was a small glimmer of the grandma that I grew up with.

I'm glad that she is no longer suffering but I really miss her and her warm smile. Grandma's are good for that. My grandma always would make an afghan for every grandchild when they had their first child. When Andy and I first started talking about having kids, it all of a sudden popped in my head that I would never get one of those for my child. I know it's something small but it was something she was always so proud of being able to do for her great-grandchild. I am very glad that I have several other things that she made-crocheted snowflakes for our Christmas tree. Any time I'm missing my grandma, Andy always reminds me that she is looking down on us and still with us in spirit. It is nice to know that she's up there pulling for us. She's finally "taller" than us. =)

The road to foster to adopt

1. Receive application packet -DONE
2. Complete and return application packet-DONE
3. Begin 27 hours of Pre-service training-HAVE COMPLETED 24 HOURS
4. Receive packet with background investigation forms-DONE
5. Submit completed background check form-DONE
6. Schedule First Aid & CPR trng-ANDY IS ALREADY CERTIFIED, I'M SCHEDULING MY CLASS TOMORROW
7. Begin home study interviews
8. Pass home safety Inspection
9. Read and sign Home Study Report
10. CERTIFICATION!!

We're getting closer.....

Lots done today!

I started of the day going to the movies with my friend, Wendy. We went to see Bridal Wars...very cute and funny movie! Then I came home so that Andy and I could put the convertible crib together. It was actually really easy to put it together!! We love it!!!! It looks like it will be real easy to change to a toddler bed or a day bed! After putting it together, I started putting all the bedding on it and a few decorations in the room. It's hard to tell from the pic but the sheets on the crib and the inside of the bumper have polka dots in the same colors as the letters and numbers. We still have more to do, but it's a start! All of our stuff is in to the agency so now we are just waiting for the homestudy! WOO HOO!

Some other excitement for us this week is finally being able to plan a trip to go "back home"!!! YEAH!!! I haven't been back to Indiana since May 2007! It's been way too long! Andy got the vacation book at work so we had to work around the days that were available. Bad part is that we're going to miss my cousin's volleyball tourney in Denver that we've gone to the past 3 years. =( I also was able to chat with my sister for the first time since she has moved to St. Maarten. I have dialed her old cell number I bet 20 times since she has moved and then realize that the number doesn't work anymore. It's hard to go from talking to someone at least once daily to zilch. Hopefully that will change soon. Laura and Phillip are getting settled in St. Maarten and seem to really like it. YEAH!

I think it's time for a few games of bowling and tennis on the Wii. I love beating Andy at the games..haha!

Quick update

The crib comes in today...YEAH!!! We are both so excited! We will be setting up the room this weekend...I can't wait!! Andy is so cute...can we please set it up this weekend. We also finally got the certificates to show we completed the adoption class that we finished in Dec. We started an online class last night on the effects of drugs and alcohol on babies-physically as well as mentally and long term effects. After this class we will only need 9 more hours...we're hoping to get all the hours done within the next two weeks..ok, that may be overly optimistic but we are ready for this all to be done! The next step will be the homestudy..eeks! That is where they will ask us tons of questions as well as inspect the house. Ok, lunch break is over and I have tons of stuff to do!

Off to a good start

We are off to a good start for 2009. We are turning our guest bedroom into a baby/kid room. We ordered the bedding last week and just got all of it delivered on Wednesday. It's by Dwell Studio and called Schoolbook. We were trying to find something that was gender neutral and would work for a baby/child(newborn up to age 4). When I opened the box, I loved it even more than the picture on the website. On the reverse side the polka dots are blue, brown, and the yellowish color. We also got the vinyl wall art so we can decorate the room. The vinyl wall art is the numbers and letters in the 3 shades. We will also be putting up some polka dots in the 3 shades as well.

On Monday, we went to several stores to look at convertible cribs. We found the one we wanted at JCPenney and ordered it...free shipping..YEAH! We decided to go with the one that has the cherry finish. It should come in very soon. It can be set up as a crib or a toddler bed. The front and back of the crib will turn into a headboard and footboard for a full size bed. We can't wait for it to arrive!! This will have us off to a good start as the agency likes to see the room when they do the homestudy. We are so excited to get everything set up to see how it looks. I will post pics once we get the room finished.