Looking forward

The past few months have flown by! We mainly have been busy with house stuff...landscaping, organizing, rearranging/redecorating a few spaces(kids room, guest room, etc), as well as being busy at work. I finally finished some cases that I have worked on for the past 4 years. It's a huge relief that they are done as they were very intense, demanding, and all in all exhausting!

When I was in the last trial, I received a call from our agency about a possible placement. Um, what?!?! We're on hold! I called back and our case manager said that she had to call us as her supervisor wanted her to check in with us and thought we might be interested in the placement. She very quickly said that she knew the placement isn't one that we'd be interested in. She did ask if we're ready to start taking calls again. I told her no. I did mention that we were a bit worried that the "perfect situation" would come in while we're on hold so we were struggling with not wanting to jump back in but also not wanting to miss out. She said she'll keep us on hold but if the perfect situation comes along, she'll call us. She also said that we should not feel pressured to jump back in or to say yes to a placement as she knows that what happened was very on us.

I still don't know if we'll ever take another foster to adopt placement but we're also not ready to shut the door completely on it yet. Adopting through foster care is something I've always wanted to do but we also don't want to end up in the same sort of situation again. I don't know if our hearts could handle it. I know we'll be more cautious if we do decide to move forward with another placement.

I really think we learned a lot from what happened and think it may have been a blessing in disguise. We've had so many discussions about us, our future, kids, and our dreams. We're now looking forward and just living. No more waiting, no more worrying/stressing about when things will happen, and no more looking back. Just living for now. Enjoying what we have and working towards our dreams. Everything is looking much clearer now. I think we spent so much time over the past few years waiting for things to happen that we didn't enjoy what we had at that moment. We let those years just slip by as we waited..waited to move, waited to get pregnant, waited for the fertility drugs to work, waited to be licensed for foster to adopt, waited for our first placement, etc.

We're excited about spending time with friends this summer, enjoying this beautiful state the we live in, and just living.