Shifting gears

I know alot of the posts recently have been about the house and not much about the foster to adopt process. In all honestly, not much has been happening..no calls for placements until this weekend.

Saturday night we received a call for a 3 year old girl who had been left by her mom with neighbors and the mom hadn't came back. They were looking for a foster to adopt home since she had been abandoned by mom. Perfect call! Bad part...they left a message and we weren't home so we didn't find out about the call until we checked messages Sunday morning. We called the worker back and she said they had found a home for the little girl. I told the worker that we would have called back sooner but didn't get the message until that morning. Her response..."Guess I should have called your cell phone numbers..oops! Hmmm...you think?? Our worker said they'd always call our home and cell numbers. We were very very frustrated by this and I e-mailed our worker about this issue as well.

On Monday, we received a call for two brother-2 yrs old and 5 months old. WOW! We decided that with us closing on the house soon that it would just be too much for us as well as the kiddos. We told the agency that until we're in the house that we are still open for one child but need to put on hold the sibling group until we get into the house.

We still at times struggle with do we stick with foster to adopt or should we switch to domestic adoption. I think only time will tell. Once we're in the house and get settled, we'll have to see where things are. We just hope that we have a little one soon.

Somedays I don't really think too much about when will be the next we get a call and other days that is all I think about. Recently, I've been having more and more baby dreams, they seem so real and I *feel* so happy and then I wake up. I hate waking up because that happiness goes away. Please don't get me wrong...I'm not unhappy with my life or my husband. I'm just unhappy and feel an emptiness about the kiddo situation. Besides the kiddo situation, I'm very happy and very blessed to have such an amazing husband, family, and friends. I know there are couples who have been waiting longer than us and I hope their little one finds their way "home" to them soon.

Some days I still question if we should have done more with the reproductive Endocronolist...do more IUI's, take medicaiton longer, look at other options, etc. I know that when we made the decion to stop, it was the right decision and I know we're not "setteling" for adoption. Adopting is something we had already decided we were going to do...even if I would be able to have a baby. These are just some of the random things that go through my head when I'm having one of those days.

This whole process is such a roller coast...I just hope this ride is over soon. In the meantime, I will enjoy celebrating with friends when they find out their pregnant or get matched with their little one as well as spending time with my friends and their little ones.